Year One: Don't waste One Minute

What a stinking pile of dog crap. Or bear crap, as in one of the many lowlights of this movie, Jack Black’s character takes a bite out of in a “hilarious” moment. (Quotations used to imply “sarcasm.”) This film was stupid, unfunny, and that’s only the first 45 minutes.

I couldn’t tell you what happened after that because for the first time in many years (and only the 3rd or 4th time in my life), I walked out of the theater in disgust.

Jack Black plays a primeval hunter/gather – who sucks at both – who is excommunicated by his tribe for his incompetence. Michael Cera, whom was hailed as the best new comedic actor of this generation, plays his sidekick. Cera, who I believe in my heart of hearts is destined to be a huge comedic star, should fire his agent immediately and find a movie like Juno to redeem himself immediately. In fairness, Cera’s acting was funny, but the situations that he and Jack Black found themselves in were not. I don’t even know what the characters names were and since they were virtually playing themselves in silly costumes in a “parody” of Biblical history, I don’t think it even matters.

There was so much wasted talent in this picture. David Cross, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Oliver Platt, Hank Azaria, and the list goes on. Harold Ramis directed it and he’s fallen so far from the classics he used to make like Vacation, Caddy Shack, and Groundhog Day. Paul Rudd had a cameo as Able, the brother of Cain, who got murdered. I was envious that he got out of the picture faster than I did.

I really don’t understand why this movie wasn’t funnier, except to say that Jack Black – who showed promise in Shallow Hal and School of Rock – has been coasting ever since. Tropic Thunder, for instance, was funny when he wasn’t on screen. I don’t know if he just doesn’t care because he’s so rich or if he really thinks eating poop is hysterical.

Anyway, don’t see this movie. Not even if someone else is paying or if you have free passes. It was bad. They either needed to be smarter or go for the hard R rating and be more filthy. Instead, they settled for middle of the road, trying to appeal to young adolescents who I think will also be insulted by the lack of humor presented.

I’m sure some religious groups will rail about it being offensive and sacreligious; it was, of course. But I was mostly offended by how unfunny it was.

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